"You could be my silver spring,
Blue green colors flashing.
I would be your only dream,
Your shining armor, ocean crashing."
(Fleetwood Mac - Silver Spring)
Here I am, flicking back and forth between Easy A and Eat Pray Love while waiting for this thunderstorm to start (becuase I have a new found obession with the rain). Oh how this sum up my life at the current moment. I've been on this continuous journey of finding peace in my heart and balance in my life. I've also been on this continuous quest to define love and hopefully find it. While flicking from movie to movie I realized that my thoughts about all this were probably something I should share with my blog reading friends. What I'm about to say I can say knowing with confidence, I'm not the only one.
What I have to say to you beautiful people is quite the assortment of my jumbled thoughts about life and love.
"Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself."
Firstly, I'm watching Eat Pray Love. In this movie she divorces her husband who can't simply understand why. Well, she never gives him an explanation. And in this movie she is told she has to stop waiting for him to forgive her. She has to simply forgive herself first. This takes me back to my first love. My only love this far in life. Most people know I was in an almost four year long relationship. Our relationship ended in me completely breaking his heart. I never really knew how bad I broke it until we finally talked a year later and he shared how bad he hurt from it. I've carried around a lot of guilt about it. I would always say "I know I broke his heart." Long story short after a year of not talking I wrote him a letter before I moved to New York City. We ended up talking again and "rekindling" what we once had. However, this version of it was very different. The second time around thing just wasn't going to work. He has forgiven me for breaking his heart and is clearly over it. I'm starting to realize I haven't quite forgiven myself for hurting someone else so much. I'm kind of thinking out loud here, but I think if I forgive myself for hurting someone else I can love again.
It's been almost three years since that relationship. I haven't been in any other ones. I mean flings and what not, yes. But a real, full throttle relationship...hell no. If you're reading this and are a guy I've associated with in a romantic way, you'll know this to be true. Whenever a guy tries to get close to me, I push him directly into the friend zone. I strap the finest sneakers on my brain and run any emotions or thoughts about that person right away. I find every reason I can create in my mind, a justification as to why it's not right before I've even planted the idea properly. So, I'm going to try to forgive myself for breaking a person's heart that would have loved me the rest of my life, even though it wasn't a healthy relationship. I'm going to send my ex a little love and light whenever he crosses my mind. Simply, I do not want to be responsible for hurting someone's heart the way I did again, even though it had to be done. I guess we can all be a little too hard on ourselves. If you are realizing what I am, forgive yourself. It may not be easy, but it has to be done in order to move forward. And if the shoe is on the other foot, forgive your ex for breaking your heart. I'm sure you cross their mind from time to time and they didn't really want to shove a knife into your heart.
"Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth."
(I don't know why this section is white, I didn't do it on purpose. Ugh.)
Then, I flip the channel. Easy A is full of life lessons while distracting you with some comic relief. In the movie Olive Penderghast says:
“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Huges did not direct my life.”
This whole 80's movie idea has me thinking, well reassuring how I feel about the way men and women interact nowadays. At the end of the movie the guy she has had a crush on since eighth grade shows up on a lawn mower holding up speakers (playing eighties music, of course.) to woo her. On a serious, honest level I have guys interested in me that all have something to offer, but they get so lost in this world of technology. With that somehow their manhood seems to disappear. I'm not saying all this being a bitch, I'm simply stating an opinion from a women's point of view. I had a guy last summer whose eye I caught. One of the reasons he sparked my curiosity was due to the fact he actually picked up the phone. I was lucky enough to have lived life before this whole texting world took off. I remember only having the option to call someone. You talked on the phone for hours about nothing, just to feel close. That's where a connection is made, from REAL communication. Not all this texting or Facebooking nonsense.
My gripe in a nutshell is that guys have somehow lost that instinct that comes with being a man. I'm not talking about starting fights, carrying cases of beer or any of that jersey shore muscle bullshit. I'm talking showing up at a girl's house with a bouquet of flowers just to tell her she's beautiful. I'm talking a long drive just to converse and listen to good music, not even caring if you get that kiss. That manliness where you grab a women, tell her she's gorgeous and kiss her because you want to. Every girl wants a man to be a man. It is what it is. Men are men, women are women. Somehow, with all this women's rights stuff we've forgot about our men. They want to be loved just like we do, but we've managed to make them feel like their role as a man isn't as important.
My friend and I always joke around about putting us women back in the kitchen. But, in all seriousness, it'd be nice for men to leave their computer screen or cell phone keyboards to indulge in some good old fashion chivalry with a touch of persistence. On my quest to define love, I've come to realized that maybe it isn't always that love at first sight thing. I think it grows out of connection. When your heart just can't stop smiling because it can feel how special that other person treats you.
I wish we could all unplug sometimes. Step away from these computer screens and remember what it is to play in the grass in bare feet. When that day comes, love will be able to shine. Divorce wouldn't be so apparent because people would have less of a chance to stalk peoples Facebook's fantasizing about how green the grass is on the other side.
There you have it, my compilation of thoughts triggered by the movies that pulled my attention. In Eat Pray Love there's a part where the main character gets told if she just cleared her mind from all the nonsense there's a doorway where the universe would just rush in. This leads me to believe that these movies were on just so I could be drawn to them to cause this little ephiany.
One last thought and then I'll leave you with some side notes and tid bits.
Maybe instead of this blame game we like to put on each other, we could work together. Males think females are the root of all evil and females think this of males. Let's love together. Play your role as nature intended and see how quickly love can bloom.
"We're all in this together."
Forever Love
and buckets of sunshie
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BrittyLoveNotes
Try saying this to yourself:
"I love and repect myself. I'm happy to be alive."
Most heavily sprayed crops are fruit.
When food doesn't digest, it decomposes in your body. If it doesn't decompose, it becomes septic.
The sickest nations in the world eat red meat.
Our ancestors were nomadic. They did this to eat.
Everything works on vibration, frequency and light.
Jewelry was originally created for therapeutic reasons.
Children now eat double their weight in sugar in a year.
Hormones are a chemical language how cells communicate.
Aguave has more sugar in it than regular sugar.
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Side Notes
I'm finally getting the lead out of me and am kick starting my makeup business.
If you didn't know, I went to school in New York City to become a professional makeup artist.
LIKE it!
Contact me for appointments. And don't forget to tell your friends, neighbors, family, co-workers, friend's friends (okay you get the point) all about me. :)
I want everyone to feel as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside.
